Another Else: Volume I
Reminding and Restating Revised

The Traditional “WTF Mate?”

Yes, all of us who have tried the online chatting out have heard it. “WTF Mate?”
It comes to mind when something completely absurd or out-there is read.
“WOOT! Passive voice!”
“WTF Mate? You were going to make a point and then went completely off track.”
Get it? No?
Yea…I figured.
Today’s “WTF Mate” goes to a blog called Leaf Counting with an article on why we blog. (Also, it could be an article linking to a new Violent Acres story in order to get more readers. I’m soooo above that. Ignore the links.)

But, just to answer some of his?/her? questions here are my responses.

Why do we blog?

Sure, some people do it for money. Some people make their living by blogging, but that only accounts for exactly 2.3% of blogs on the internet. (**note**-all statistics are being entirely made up). Money is out.

Next theory: “we do it for ourselves”. Sounds so sweet and cute it makes you want to vomit right? Any blogger who claims this self-righteous bullshit needs to have their genitalia mutilated. If you keep a journal under your mattress and show it to nobody but yourself then you can say that you do it for yourself and I won’t campaign for the destruction of your twig and berries or taco, but the rest of you are full of shit. You post it to the world. You register on Technorati. You look at the view stats. You want people to read.

Answer: Bloggers blog because they secretly wish to be able to walk around naked causing shock and awe and making everybody look. Male bloggers want cocks the size of elephant trunks and want their blog to be the equivalent of walking around giving mushroom tattoos to everyone they see. Female bloggers want their blog to be the equivalent of nakedly running up behind somebody, jumping into the air and landing right on top of their head engulfing it in their vagina. The poor strangers who were just mushroom tattooed and vagina engulfed are left with an expression on their face somewhere between horror and jealousy that someone else got away with doing exactly what they have always wanted to do.

No, I don’t want to be as big as an elephant trunk. How would I find pants that fit? I mean come on. I’m way too skinny to shop at the big & tall stores.

Why do we read?

Ever notice that a little kid has no problem staring at you. We read blogs because as adult, we creep people out when we stare at them in public. We read them because we are born as stalkers, and society trained that out of us.

Mostly though, it is because we are cynical bastards. We are tired of commentary by trained writers, educated sophisticates and people in general that know what they are talking about. When the original Planet of the Apes movie was filmed an interesting social phenomenon occurred. Each species of apes was made up of human being from all races, backgrounds and beliefs, yet when in make up, the “apes” gravitated to their like kinds. The chimpanzees hung out with other chimps at lunch. When we have the ability to choose what we read, we gravitate to the stuff like us. Sarcastic raw uncensored asshole types, tend to read blogs of people similar. Mommybloggers tend to read the blogs of other mommys. That, and secretly we all think it would be funny as shit if some chick came running up to us, launched into the air and suddenly we were looking at the inside of her vagina.

Wait, how in the hell did I end up inside some chick’s…nevermind. I don’t even want to know. Also, just because I’m typing this looking through Leaf Counter’s window doesn’t make me a stalker! I JUST CARE, OK?! I…JUST…CARE!

Why do we comment?

We comment because after the naked woman jumps onto our head, we want to wiggle our way fully in and then flex making her explode like the agents in The Matrix. I apologize for the geek reference, but essentially, we are judgmental assholes who can always either say something better or somehow be more right. Even if we are in complete agreement with the vagina jumper, our comment somehow states it better. The thought of the blog was somehow incomplete without our infinite wisdom and by adding our two cents, THIER blog suddenly becomes our swinging cock and aerial vagina.

Trackbacks and traffic…yea, that’s it really.

Why do we engage in melodrama?

Even the most arrogant sounding, sure of ourselves, pompous, bitchy, opinionated bloggers are insecure. It is easy to blog anonymously. It is easy to spit venom. It’s easy to point out the flaws of others, to mock them, to humiliate them. Hell, it is not only easy, it is entertaining. The infamous Star Wars kid was viewed 387 million times and 96.7% of those views made fun of the kid while they watched. We engage in blog wars for the same reason we made fun of the fat kid of star wars…it makes us feel better about ourselves. Some people make inciting blog drama an art form. Renetto does it on Youtube, V does it on Violent Acres, Simon Cowell does it on American Idol. Don’t take this as a condemnation though. I am all for it. Personally, it was through melodrama that I stumbled upon my favorite blogs.

Drama!? Screw You!
You just upset me by implying that I might engage in drama or enjoy it!
And for the record, it is not easy to spit venom. It’s an acquired skill after years of training. If it’s sooo easy then how come only one guy in Mortal Kombat can do it. huh?

Conclusion:

The blogging world (or club as some crazy bitch referred to it as) is something we do because we can’t walk around society naked and staring.

Just in case you needed reminding as to why this was a “WTF Mate,” here it is. Enjoy.

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2 Responses to “The Traditional “WTF Mate?””

  1. […] The presenter of this award clearly values my post, so much so that he cut and paste the entire thing into his site.  It was an honor to read my words in their entirety with a web address other than my own, but the biggest kudos came from his subtle and gifted commentary.  Another Else was so moved by my point that he used his entire blog post to be living proof of my theory on why we comment.  His two cents were the missing words to make mine a masterpiece.  Sir, You Complete Me! […]

  2. […] be waiting for your membership dues As much as I love to trackback my own posts, I currently have trackbacked my own posts more than anyone else, I am pleased to let everyone know […]


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